Extending Trust

Do your employees and young leaders need to earn your trust before it is given? Or, is developing leaders done differently through extending trust first?

Trusting first…

…sacrilege!

We have to earn everything in life, right?

A spot on the sports team.

A chance at a promotion.

A place on a high profile new project team.

A measure of respect from colleagues.

That feels like an awful lot of earning that has to happen before we are allowed any opportunities at all. Honestly, I’m not sure that message still resonates.

If I trust you and give you a chance to spread your wings a bit at work…long before the normal “earn-your-way” approach would afford…am I being reckless? 

If you “haven’t had enough time to develop the skills necessary” for certain projects, am I supposed to wait for another year to get you moving?

If I behave like an out-of-touch old-school leader will I be able to attract and retain any young talent to my organization?

Earned first before trust is given doesn’t make sense in every situation anymore.

What do you think?

Thanks for being here.

Jay

Pic

It’s Just Myself, Talking to Me, About Myself

I don’t know about you…but the self-talk machine that runs in my head can be…unforgiving, relentless, even brutal at times. Back when I was young and insecure I thought I would be in control of every facet of my personal and professional life by the time I got to this age.

Well…now I’m ‘at that age’ and am still insecure at times…perhaps in a strange way even more so now. Why? Because I actually know things as compared to when I was young and only thought I knew things.

Big difference, right?

Some of the self-doubt is healthy for me. It keeps me grounded…ensures I don’t get too full of myself…and allows me the opportunity to show some grace…to me.

However, too much of a good thing is no good. That’s how it gets for me sometimes. The voice in my head picks up momentum and…off we go down a bunch of rabbit holes.

There’s a silver lining to this story though. Unlike when I was young and didn’t necessarily have the coping skills to effectively deal with that imposter inside me; I’m now equipped with not only a mature perspective, but mature tools as well. 

Understanding the power of faith in my life

Leaning into my men’s group for support

Reaching out to friends who ‘get me’

Having someone very special in my life who supports me

…and candidly looking back and realizing that despite the stress, anxiety, pressure and self-doubt, I’ve navigated life pretty well so far.

You have too. Don’t forget.

Thanks for being here.

Jay

Pic

Handle Hard Better

This is probably old news to most of you…but I saw a story a couple of months back about the Duke women’s basketball coach, Kara Lawson, and her impromptu powerful message to her team during a routine practice.

She talked to them about how to handle hard better. I love that phrase. Three simple words with a punch.

Handle.

Hard.

Better.

This is particularly timely for me as I’m going through a fairly stormy phase of life. Not asking for sympathy here…I’m focused on the words.

Handle.

Hard.

Better.

What’s going through your mind as you see the words? 

What’s on the list of the difficult things you’re tackling right now? 

What does handle better mean? 

Is there a secret out there that I’ve missed all these years?

If you’re interested in what Coach Lawson had to say in less than three minutes check out the video:

Handle Hard Better

Thanks for being here.

Jay

Pic

Describing the Future: Helping Your Employees Navigate Change

We’ve all said “change is difficult” throughout our careers. Yet why aren’t we getting better at it? Sure, we take a bit more of an inclusive approach these days…but again and again we read the “lessons learned” testimonials of organizations that have struggled.

Perhaps we’re on the right track, but missing one key piece? That piece might bring a greater number of employees into alignment with the leadership team’s vision for what is to come.

I recently attended the Conference Board’s Change Management conference and this theme played out repeatedly.

“If we don’t show our employees the future (or end state, or vision) we will NEVER get the buy in and commitment we need to move things forward with our change projects.”

Our teams will cling to the past…even if it wasn’t good…because they know it.

Our teams will cling to the present…even if it isn’t good…because they know it.

But our teams fear of the future…because it is unknown. 

How are you describing the future to your organization? Is it a big secret that is going to be unveiled at some point? Which, by the way, will send disruptive shockwaves throughout the employee base, even if it’s exciting news.

Remember, “change is difficult.” That applies to all change.

Telling your story…controlling the narrative…and at the very least committing to over-communicating will ensure everyone knows the direction you are headed and why you need to get there.

What approach are you taking?

Thanks for being here.

Jay

Pic

(More) Wounds

Last week was more than I was ready for. It was one of those rare combinations when my professional and personal lives decided to ramp up the intensity simultaneously. I’m not planning on sharing the details here…rather…I’ve been reflecting on what that kind of pressure does to people.

And by people, I mean me.

The emotional rollercoaster I found myself on resulted in a couple of significant reactions. First, I was extraordinarily calm, at least initially. More so than I expected. It proved to be valuable as the twists and turns of the week played out in very serious ways. 

Calm…for me…has become a superpower. 

I’ll clarify here…that calm demeanor on the outside did not match what I was feeling on the inside. I knew though, that I needed to appear calm for all those who were relying on me. That list was (and still is) long.

It’s an odd experience to process in your head…when you feel like everyone is counting on you to come through…and somehow you find the strength to do it. I’m not boasting…I’m sharing how grateful I feel that I received the help I needed to deliver. That help was clearly my faith…because it sure wasn’t me “man-ing up” to be strong. 

New week starts today…same issues…but I’m a bit stronger knowing that not only did I get through last week, but that I’m better prepared for this one.

Thanks for being here.

Jay

Pic

Fate Agrees With Me

The world seems more polarized than ever. That may actually not be true (think World War II for example.) Yet somehow for this generation it is certainly as divided as I can remember. There is another layer of division that seems to show itself to me lately as well…and it’s a most curious one.

As the push to “take sides” on issues becomes more prevalent (are you a conservative, liberal, democrat, republican, etc…) I have discovered that I am no longer interested in taking sides.

Confining yourself to a particular group seems to be a narrow way to view, and experience, the world. Imagine if our workplaces had to take sides? Where would innovation and dissonant thinking have room to create breakthrough ideas?

So then, why is it when we leave our workplaces we should suddenly have a view that we cling to at all costs…defending, arguing over, and perhaps alienating or marginalizing others simply because we are X or Y or Z? 

The other tremendous risk that is taken when we write off those that don’t fit into our definitions of what is “the right way to think” purely based on a label, is that we miss out on meeting really amazing people.

I’m allowing myself to appreciate others with very different points of view than mine. And although I may not agree with them on some things, I’ve made some incredible friends that I otherwise would never have allowed myself to connect with.

How do you view those around you who don’t necessarily look and sound like a mirror image of you?

Thanks for being here.

Jay

Pic

The Negative Impact of ‘Should’

I’m part of a small group bible study that meets each week. Recently we had a discussion on the word ‘should.’

You should do this…

You should do that…

I should have been better…

I should have thought it through…

I should…You should…We should…

That’s a lot of self-talk harm if you ask me. 

Why do we do this to ourselves? Have we all been brainwashed to we believe we are constantly supposed to better at everything? And, God forbid if we’re actually human every once in a while and aren’t perfect, are we supposed to beat ourselves up over it?

This is a new definition of insanity.

Speaking just for me…I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself normally. Realizing that I’m adding additional pressure because “I’m supposed to be” even better all the time sounds like I’ve crossed the line from a highly driven person to one who has lost his way?

Where are you with your list of ‘shoulds?’

My small group talked through a variety of options…I’d love to hear yours?

Thanks for being here.

Jay

Pic