Saboteur

Someone is always to blame. We thrive on the idea of finding the scapegoat, the one at fault, or the messed up cultures that derail what would otherwise be achieved if only ‘those people’ would do the right things.

It’s easy to be critical. Plenty of blame to go around…never to us, of course. We have a clear vision of what life and work and society and corporate cultures are supposed to be. We have keen insight, leadership vision, passion for what we do, and a clear sense of how life should flow.

But it doesn’t flow. Life isn’t smooth every day. And candidly, sometimes it can be a bit too much. It’s as if we aren’t deserving of the good things each day brings…rather, just the bad. 

Somehow, we shouldn’t be allowed to have things move forward. Instead, a life of punishment is what we actually deserve. So, the self-talk machine in our heads manifests this mindset…feeds it…pushes it into our line of sight…and it becomes real.

It’s a battle that candidly, I suffer from time to time. Does that surprise you? Mr. Positivity struggles too? We all do, right? And when it comes to sabotage…

…it turns out, sometimes the saboteur is me.

Thanks for being here.

Jay

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7 Days

A simple post with a simple request.

Each day for the next seven days reach out and check in on someone. Seven different people, one each day.

Call, text, direct message…it doesn’t matter how. Let them know you are thinking about them.

There is so much hidden pain in our world. Even our strong friends ‘who have it all together’ actually have stuff they’re dealing with too. Remember, people don’t fake depression, they fake being ‘fine.’ 

You’ll be surprised at how it makes you feel.

Thanks for being here.

Jay

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Journaling

I’ve finally jumped into the world of journaling after several stops and starts over the years. Some entries are long and vulnerable…others are brief snippets of an otherwise uneventful day. What I’ve found, and what I’m sure many of you have long since discovered, is that the simple act of journaling (which I do digitally by the way) is quite powerful.

It’s as if the journal has become a therapist of sorts. Odd, yes. And I did’t quite understand what was happening at first. Yet now I see that the ‘conversation’ I have with myself allows for both perspective and insight that in the moment are not readily available.

I don’t follow a system, or use daily prompts (“What am I grateful for today?”). Those feel a bit artificial. I’m allowing myself to simply write what strikes me in the moment. Which makes for interesting reading later on. Why did I say that? Why was I so worked up about that issue? How can I anticipate that surge of emotions coming on in the future and react differently?

For many of you I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m so late to the journaling party. Perhaps for others, this can serve as an invitation to explore how this simple new part of your day can be quite a powerful act of self-care.

Thanks for being here.

Jay

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Rise of the Fallen

We all get knocked down, and usually find a way to drag ourselves back up again. But is that all this is? Just another positive message about soldiering on to get back to the grind of life filled with highs and lows?

Perhaps there’s another angle here.

What about shifting after a low point to see, and think, and do things differently? Of course there is personal power development in getting through rough patches and finding a way to push forward. But often that only means we survived one storm and we’re going to go through another one in the very same way…get knocked down hard…and stagger back to our feet.

And repeat.

That cycle, for me, has become most unappealing.

How does one move beyond this cycle of triumph, fall, suffering, struggle, and triumph once more without being doomed to repeat it over and over again?

Faith? Friends? Mindset? Inspirational quotes? Motivational books? Journaling? Community groups? Volunteering? Sacrificing for others? Hobbies? 

I might suggest all of those things can make a tremendous difference. It goes beyond that list though, at least I think it does. Perhaps there is an inner calm we can achieve when we learn to think differently. When our mind simply no longer allows the stressors of life to overwhelm and control us (and send us into a deep dark place from which we have to struggle to find our way out) we somehow have…changed. 

Is that possible? Can we actually re-learn how to handle stress is such a way that we don’t have to be pushed to the brink repeatedly as if it were some sort of life sentence of struggle and pain?

I’m trying. Lately it’s been a bit more of a heavy load as the list of pain points continues to grow. Yet, it seems to be working…somehow.

How have you tried to break the cycle in your life?

Thanks for being here.

Jay

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The Sun is Still Out

Dearest gentle reader…in early 19th century England it was considered improper to dance during daylight hours (or at least it was according to Bridgerton.) The notion that someone would actually dance “while the sun was still out” seemed absurd! Imagine the scandal among the nobility!

Let’s fast-forward to your organization today and ask a couple of questions:

- What unwritten rules are in place in your corporate culture?

- Who sets the standards for corporate etiquette?

- What are the consequences for breaking these rules?

- Imagine the scandal among the corporate nobility when these rules are broken!

The further I go in my career, the more I take pride in a track record of doing my best to break through traditional thinking and breaking cultural norms to make leaps forward. The concept of sacrificing sacred practices in companies is not new; however, the courage to actually do so continues to be a rare sighting indeed.

As for this author, I look forward to the season when it is expected that each leader of the gentry…er…leadership team…is expected to speak up, challenge, and bring forward fresh ideas and normalize risk-taking instead of forever being locked in a world of arcane social norms that serve only those long overdue for a retirement ball.

Thanks for being here.

Jay

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It’s How We Think That Matters Most

You may not agree with my bold title: how we think matters most. Whatever happened to “actions speak louder than words” or “her behavior speaks for itself?”

The, um…wiser I get…the more I’ve moved beyond behavior as the key element of someone’s leadership style. Where do those behaviors come from anyway? Are they not an attribute or symptom of a deeper issue at play?

I submit, yes indeed they are. It is the mind that triggers behavior. 

The way we see the world…that inner voice that speaks to us incessantly…shapes the way we interpret and act upon all of the external impulses that barrage us daily. Shifting how we interpret these messages, and candidly, being open to changing our minds (God forbid!) is a real-life game changer.

Imagine feeling confident enough in yourself that you are open to hearing different points of view, seeking out contrary opinions, and assimilating all of that new information into your head in a thoughtful way?

Impossible? I don’t think so. I’ll offer one quick example. A couple of years ago I decided to stay connected to people who didn’t necessarily share my world view on many topics. I intentionally was trying to stretch my understanding of what people value, even if it didn’t seem to fit with what I knew was really the most important thing. The result? I have a much greater appreciation for why those differing viewpoints matter so much, and why people might embrace those as the most important things to them.

Imagine how this plays out in your organizations? Is everyone so dialed in to the vision / plan / goals  that they haven’t left any room for disruptive thinking or points of view? What might be missed that could be transformational?

Just imagine.

Thanks for being here.

Jay

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The Importance of Unlearning

I’ve come a long way since moving into my first formal people leadership role at age twenty-seven. I thought I knew a lot…and then quickly learned I didn’t…and then started learning in a different way. I held on tight to the learning I did for the next decade and leveraged it to steadily progress further along.

And then the learning I had done suddenly didn’t seem to fit in every situation. It’s as if someone changed the rules on me when I wasn’t looking. How could that be? I had been laser focused on my leadership style for so long, it couldn’t possibly let me down now, right?

It turns out that my approach to leadership had not necessarily needed to change…the x-factor was that I needed to do some UNlearning.

I had a certain point of view that certainly seemed crystal clear to me; yet, that lens failed me at times when I made certain assumptions about people, dynamics, or systems that didn’t exactly fit the way I had “learned to lead.”

Did my style fit? Yes. Did the way I was actually seeing and understanding some situations need to be reset? Absolutely.

Humility is a powerful thing. For those that never experience it they spend their lives lost is a sea of arrogance and jokes behind their back. For those that eat a slice of humble pie once in a while, well, we appreciate how powerful humility can be for our growth and effectiveness.

UNlearning some of the things I’ve held close for a long time has allowed me to continue to grow as a leader…even as I move to ‘vintage’ status.

Have you considered what you might need to UNlearn in your professional life?

Thanks for being here.

Jay

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